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But everything looks perfect from far away...

4th July, 2009. 12:55 am. Happy Birthday America

It's officially the Fourth of July. Today I had planned on walking with mom at 5am, crashing for a bit before going to the Malakin's BBQ, then biking to the beach where I'd do my run in heat gear on the boardwalk, take a dip in the ocean to cool off, and finally admire the off shore fireworks display from a spot on the sand before biking home.

Well, those plans are gone. Replaced with new, slightly more ludicrous, and significantly more me-like plans! I'm gonna nap for an hour or two. Around 3am I'm going to wake up, have a quick bite to eat, take a shower to wake me up, and depart my house by 4am. Where to? MASSACHUSETTS! Why? Because my bestest, most awesomest, favoritest friend, in the whole wide world, Wilson, is there and I have not seen in her in longer than either of us cares to think about. This prolonged separation is mostly my fault for being broke and not visiting in the various places she's resided over the past few years. Now this is no trek to Browntown or Notre Dame, but it's a decent distance and I am CAPS LOCK EXCITED!

No idea WHAT we'll be doing to celebrate the holiday but it doesn't really matter to me. Tomorrow night I will be... somewhere in Boston? I'll either crash at my cousin's apt or find a campsite nearby (have tent and sleeping bag, will travel) and then Sunday morning I'll be cheering on [info]insane_bassist at her 5k along the Charles River. Hopefully I can find somewhere to run tomorrow, and I'll probably do an easy run along the Charles Sunday morning.

Hooray spontaneous adventuring!

(6 kinds of crazy craps | All kinds of crazy crap)

1st July, 2009. 11:58 pm. It's gonna take a little time, while you're waiting like a factory line

Wow, I haven't posted an entry in this journal in for-EVER! I've been real active on el-jay, just mostly in [info]runners and this poor thing has been neglected. Not because I haven't WANTED to post. Oh no, I have about a dozen or so entries over the past almost two months in various stages of completion... up in my head. Alas, most will stay there, never to see the light of day. My problem has always been, when there's a long lay-off like this, I always find the task of a new entry is extra daunting because I feel it need to update my entire life since the last one. And that is almost always impossible to do with any degree of brevity. So I won't. A quick (who the Hell am I kidding?) recap of most of May and June:

- I was a fmoron and sliced my poor left pinky toe open on a large shard of glass sitting on the floor next to the futon. My immediate thought was, "Is this runnable?" The answer turned out to be a resounding NO as hours later it was still bleeding. A trip to Christiana Care confirmed this and I left hours later with five stitches and my first pair of crutches.
- The ensuing ten days were miserable. OH WOE IS ME! kind of misery. Lots of going back and forth between feeling sorry for myself and feeling incredibly annoyed with myself. I missed running. A lot. A LOT a lot. What made the ordeal even worse was that I was starting to really starting to ramp up the miles and I felt GREAT. Not ten hours before I had one of my best runs of the year (a 10 miler that went 39:46/36:01). I was coming off a 57+ mile week. I was on pace for 60-65. AND I was at 80 miles for the first 8 days of May (on pace to crush my monthly mileage PR and kick of a MONSTER summer) In the interim I coached my awesome track kids to an impressive showing at the regional meet and made a trip to DC.
- Tuesday May 20 the stitches came out and I celebrated by doing a nice 20+ mile bike ride. The following evening I hit the track and did a pedestrian 10k with only some aching, which I chalked up to not having run in a week and a half.
-By the weekend my left Achilles was NOT HAPPY WITH ME. That weekend I also coached at the Maryland HS State Track & Field Championships wherein multiple school records were broken. Mary, the girl I personally coached at shot put all season, set a PR by about half a foot! And I made a trip to DC.
- The last weekend of May was spent packing my entire apartment with my parents and moving out. My lease was up June 1 and I was forced to relocate back to Lawn Guy Land for the foreseeable future (no job, no money, etc will do that to ya). Highlights of that weekend include FINALLY GETTING RID OF THE GODDAMN ARMOIRE (no I'm not bitter, why do you ask?). A couple of guys in a pickup truck took it off my hands after John (my awesome landlord), Scott, & I brought it out of the front room, down the stairs, and out of the house in about 1/50th of the amount of time it took to get it up there. Lowlights include saying goodbye to the futon. I didn't care about getting rid of most of the crap in that apt, but that futon grew on me since I started sleeping on it in October. And I made a trip to DC.
- June went been pretty much exactly how living at home has always been. I like Lawn Guy Land, honest I do. I love Jones Beach and I have paid it many a visit since being home (more on that later). But there's not a whole lot here for me. And the fact that I couldn't run because of the stupid nagging Achilles pain made things very boring. I don't like LI bars because they're overpriced and crowded with the sorts of people I try my best to avoid. I don't have a lot of friends around here because lots people have moved elsewhere and I've burned the bridges with most of the ones still hanging around. Couple that with my worsening anti-socialness and I've spent 95% of my nights here doing nothing and then going to bed. This is NOT a complaint mind you. I've read, I've watched teevee, I've biked and done some ridiculous CrossFit WODs. If I could have run, everything would be relatively alright.
- Last weekend saw some highs and some low lows. First the good: Saturday we went to Gerg's birthday. It was just a small BBQ at the Loeven's house. Gerg's girlfriend (?), his aunt & uncle, and us. I tried a new Victory beer, the Old Horizontal Barleywine-style Ale. Very good, a bit higher of an ABV and not hidden as well as some comprable Dogfish Head varieties but one I will definitely check out again if given the opportunity. We also played some serious wiffle ball (sadly the young-uns were a bit too much for us and the game ended on account of darkness with us in arrears one-nil). Then there was Sunday...
- Last week my cousin Richie died. He really deserves more than a blurb here and I did write down some thoughts about it I might add later but for now I'll leave it thusly. He had lung cancer, diagnosed last year, he fought as best he could but there were many other complications. His death was not unexpected but it sucked nonetheless. So Sunday saw us picking up Grandpa and driving into Queens for the wake. It was an all-day affair and it was draining. Monday was the funeral, another trip to Queens, another full day of mentally, emotionally, and physically draining goings on. By the time I got home Monday night I was shot. So I did what came natural to me...
- Monday night I biked up to MacArthur around 8:30pm, wearing my running shoes. And then I ran. 4.1 miles. I did what we used to call "tours" back in HS track. Basically I ran the perimeter of the school grounds; most of it nice, soft grass. The only negative to the whole experience was the 50 or so kids clustered around the bleachers, drinking beer, being obnoxious, throwing shit at old women walking the track. Fortunately they left the crazy, bearded runner guy alone. I managed a decent pace (sub-9) for the run, with only minimal (and normal) aches. I slept really well.
- I felt so good that yesterday I ran again. The same exact course. The difference was that yesterday I did it at 3pm when it was about 70 and humid. And I was layered up -- UnderArmor tank, white t-shirt, two heavy, dark sweatshirts, heavy, dark sweatpants, and thick socks. I had been working in the backyard like that all day. I had spent 20 minutes sitting in my 110+ degree car like that. And then I ran. It hurt. A lot. Not my Achilles, that felt GREAT (I tried something different: 768 with factory insoles and a makeshift heel lift). But I was HOT! And struggling. And in serious discomfort. It was AWESOME! My pace didn't slow MUCH from Monday night either. The cold bath I took when I got home felt great too. As did the hot shower. I slept really well again.

NOW we're up-to-date! It's July (HOLY FRAK IT'S JULY!). Today saw more shoveling of gravel from the backyard (RIP pool 1995ish-2009) and then heading to a free BBQ at a materials supplier with dad. When I got home, my achilles (which has been some sore last night/this morning) was feeling great. I resisted the temptation to run for a third day in a row, opting for an easy bike ride to the beach and back.

Well, the bike ride turned out to be historic! I felt very strong and very comfortable right off the bat. I managed to get down to the bike path at Cedar Creek in under 18 minutes. I'm not sure what my all time house-to-beach record is but I'm pretty sure it's in the 34-35 min range. I realized I had a shot at it, and at the very least a big improvement over what I've been doing. As I got on the bike path, there was a guy on a legit road bike (note: I have been riding around town on a hand-me-town ten speed piece of junk, dad's ancient road bike still has a flat tire) going about my pace so I settled in some 10m behind him for about a mile. When I went through the first mile faster than I expected, I thought two things 1) I should really pick up the pace a bit, I feel GREAT and 2) There doesn't seem to be any wind, in either direction, this bodes very well for the return trip. I pushed the pace and wound up getting off the bike path (4.33 miles) in just over 14 minutes, and then got to my "official" end point (the far bike rack in front of the Jones Beach Tower. I was kinda tired, gave myself a few seconds recovery, turned the bike around, and headed back at a much more leisurely pace. It wasn't until the bike path that I realized how easy it all felt. I changed to a higher gear and kept my cadence up. After the first (of three) overpasses, some dude in full cycling gear (nice bike, team jersey, etc.) passed me I picked up the effort and managed to stay 50-75m behind him the rest of the way. I just got off the path in under-14 minutes, and kept cruising. I realized as I crossed Sunrise Highway that I had a legit shot at beating my to-the-beach time. And I did, by a full half minute. I am counting this as my unofficial record, 34:09. Overall, 1:09 on the bike, covering about 19 miles. And did I mention NO ACHILLES PAIN! Tomorrow will be more running, the same MacArthur tours, I might add a little bit but nothing too crazy. Odds are very good I will be layered up too.

There's more. But I need to go to bed. I told mom I'll go up to the track with her at 5:30... in the ay-em! She wants to get in shape f'realz and I told her I'll help. So I need sleep. Like an hour ago.

Mark, out.

Current mood: tired.
Current music: M79 by Vampire Weekend.

(9 kinds of crazy craps | All kinds of crazy crap)

28th April, 2009. 1:00 am.

The weather is officially on notice. This is its stern warning. I'd give it an accompanying look but we all know how utterly useless and non-threatening those are. 4 miles at 1pm today felt like I was running in a sauna. Tomorrow is supposed to be even worse...just in time for a track meet. At least it's home so I should get home by 6:30-7 (?)

Speaking of track- got chastised today for not being harder on my sprinters in practice. Apparently not wanting to run them into the ground and give them heat stroke considering we've been so used to miserable, cold, rainy weather and then all of a sudden we're practicing in 90 degree heat. I am by no means a baby when it comes to running and training in miserable conditions. But I'm also responsible for a number of kids who don't really know much better and I know what is counterproductive to improvement. It's the old school mentality I know, and I just have to deal with it and mitigate the damage.

I've fallen behind on all of the shows I care to watch- House, The Office, Breaking Bad, 30 Rock, Castle. I'm ok with it though, I guess I've been busy with doing actual things to have time to watch tv. This is a good thing. Sort of.

I should've been in bed about an hour ago. This is still gonna be a good change of pace for me. Baby steps, baby steps. Spare change adds up.

Mark, out

Current mood: meh.
Current music: Lakers-Jazz game 6.

(5 kinds of crazy craps | All kinds of crazy crap)

24th April, 2009. 2:45 am. Real life is the hardest impression

"You are not now who you once were"


About three years ago, unbeknownst to me, I was about to be hit with one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. To this day, I can't really deal with it too well and I hate thinking about it. It is, and has been, a source of immeasurable hurt and sadness in some way every single day since. And I helped bring it upon myself.

Two years ago, I was in the midst of one of the worst stretches of my entire life- student teaching had effectively crushed my spirit by now, I was sleeping little, drinking a lot, barely exercising, and miraculously surviving (with the help of Wilson primarily). And I really brought most of that upon myself.

A year ago, I was doing ok. Not great by any stretch, and lying to myself about a lot of problems that were lying underneath the surface. And I was headed into another horrible stretch. A stretch wherein I brought a lot of misery upon myself.

On most television shows, character development is important for the enduring success of the show. Over the course of a number of seasons people want to see characters grow, mature, learn from things, become better (or worse), but whatever it is...something changes. At least it should, lest it seem unrealistic. Because that's what happens in real life. People grow, they mature, they learn from things, they get better, life changes and they change with it. Usually.

Sometimes I feel like a stale tv character. I look back a number of years and see the same stupid mistakes, the same character flaws, the same person I am right now, essentially. I have less hair, I'm faster, I have more debt, and a bunch of other superficial differences.

You know what else is different? The people. Almost every single year, the people in my life, the ones who I was closest to, the ones who really mattered, they're different year to year. Wilson is the exception to this. She's been there, more or less, throughout. And that is miraculous. Because everything else changes. People come into my life suddenly, so often (hard 't' sound), and then leave, just as abruptly. They're like shooting stars, crashing through the atmosphere, blazing for a few glorious moments before being reduced to ash or fragments never to be seen again. It is not something I will ever get used to. But I don't delude myself into thinking there's something wrong with everyone. I know the problem is with me, with the way I go about things, with the way I make mistakes, and push people away, or don't let them get close enough in the first place. And then there are the hilariously bad decisions, the ones I don't think about before it's too late and the ones I know full well going into it and do them anyway. I could write a book.

Here's the problem with all of that. It's bullshit. How can I have such an astute awareness of all this- have HAD such an awareness for some time now- and not DO anything about it? It can't be apathy; if anything, I feel too much. Way too much. Sometimes it seems like my default setting is miserable, like when I experience happiness and good fortune I don't know what the fuck to do with it. So I self-sabotage and ruin it. I ruin it for myself and anyone who's involved. And then the cycle repeats itself. Every modicum of happiness and contentment is squandered in some way and I'm left staring at the ground and wishing I knew how to be something other than a sulky mess. It's an easy excuse I've gone to over and over to rationalize being stuck in the muck and the mire I so often create for myself. It's not that I'm too stupid to know what to do, because with awareness of what's wrong generally comes awareness of how to fix it. I do not want to be stuck. I WANT to change, to be better, to grow up, to get my shit together. There's internal motivation for it. There's external motivation for it. I have every reason imaginable to do just this. And there have been periods where it has happened, to an extent (see: getting into grad school and going) but it seems to always stagnate somewhat, somewhere, for some reason. I can't blame Lauren for all of this this time around. I got myself where I am today through my own choices and actions. And I'm the only one who can get me out of it, too.

I'm twenty-three and two-thirds years old. It's about time to stop talking and start doing. Really, it was time years ago. God, how many times I've said that. If I can't trust myself to do it, how are others supposed to trust me? I've proven so many times, in so many ways, that my words are pretty meaningless. I say I want to be different this time, but I've said that at least a dozen times before, so why is this time different? Well, I can't say, honestly. But I am being honest with myself. There's a lot of work to be done. A LOT. And it's gonna require some time, and a lot of effort. And accountability, mostly to myself, but also to the people around me, the people who matter. Like Wilson, who's put up with so much more than she deserves. Like my family who have been so supportive and selfless despite all the crap they are dealing with themselves. And I've made some phenomenal friends recently, people who get me, who I feel much less on guard around, much less socially awkward and lost with. I'd very much like to keep them in my life. It's more than just not wanting to go through the process again, or my fear of alone, or any of that. It's knowing that it is rare to find people who really understand me, accept me, and like me- in spite of knowing what I'm all about, for better or worse (mostly worse). And it's not wanting to render these words meaningless or hollow. It's wanting to look back a year from now and see progress and be able to smile at what I've done. It's wanting to be a man, which involves much more work than growing out my chest hair and knowing more than most ESPN anchors. It's wanting to be trustworthy, which is about words AND deeds. It's about character development. And so many other things that hurt my brain to think of right now.

You can go through life
With the greatest intentions
But you do what you do
What you just gotta do

Mark, out.

Current mood: determined.
Current music: "That's Just About Right" by Blackhawk.

(25 kinds of crazy craps | All kinds of crazy crap)

11th April, 2009. 12:59 am. Orchids

Went to a bar in Bellmore tonight for a little bit, figured it'd do me some good to be social. Met mom and dad there. Some girl who works in mom's office was singing with a band. Mom introduced me and it was so painfully awkward. Not her fault really, no one's fault, just- I'm painfully shy and socially awkward usually and it reminded me of all those painful play dates she used to set up when I was little ("Oh I'm friends with so and so, she has a kid about your age, here, you two be friends while we go talk").

Apparently mom had mentioned that I was running early in the evening, and this girl asked about it. Before I could answer that yes I had gone for an easy run earlier mom interjected that I was also running a race tomorrow. Nice girl as she was she asked where and how far and expressed genuine amazement at the fact that I was running 6 miles. Then mom mentioned I had just run a mahr-uh-thon, and my time, and that I had qualified for Boston. Now I'm almost positive she had NO idea what BQing means, but that didn't matter. Out came the questions and the comments . I could have answered them before she asked. "How do you do that?" "I don't even drive that far" and the like. I had nothing I felt I could add and I just wanted to get out of there and home so I could try to mentally distance myself from all the heavy thoughts floating around my head currently and maybe get some sleep for tomorrow.

I didn't describe this the way I'd have liked to, but it's good enough to illustrate my point, whatever that point is. Something along the lines of, you either get it or you don't. I don't know how to interact with soooo many people. It sounds like a crutch, like a cop out, a way for me to excuse myself for being antisocial to pretty much everyone. The truth is, I just can't sometimes. Often. I'd like to but I just don't know how. And it's not something I can just try harder at. I have plenty of friends who don't run, Wilson doesn't run and she's my best friend. But I just don't get that same connection, that understanding, that sense of comfort with those people that I do with runners. I've met some really amazing people in the past few months, people I barely knew at first, and I've been uncharacteristically at ease, myself, without the need for much prodding or encouragement. They've all been runners, we've started with that and it turns out most runners have more than just that in common. I don't find this surprising.

I don't know what the point of all this was, but being back on Long Island lends itself to all manner of introspection and navel gazing. Feel free to add your thoughts, maybe I'll be more coherent and lucid tomorrow afternoon.

Mark, out.

Current music: "The Kids Don't Stand a Chance" by Vampire Weekend.

(20 kinds of crazy craps | All kinds of crazy crap)

20th March, 2009. 1:08 pm. March Madness (part deux)

And in a matter of minutes I am off. Headed to DC for the expo today and running the National Marathon tomorrow morning at 7am. If you're going to be in the area you should come watch, or, if you're not a morning person, come out after and celebrate with me and a multitude of other cool people. If you don't have my number, you're clearly lame. But you can correct this by asking for it, or messaging me yours and I'll text you, or asking someone who knows.

I've experienced a roller coaster of emotions this week, but right now, I'm just excited. And confident. I really think I'm ready. And I know I'll be able to put the rest of the shit in my head out of the way for slightly more than 3 hours and get through this. I'm a more than a little overwhelmed, and grateful, for the overwhelming support and well wishes I've gotten from so many people, both in [info]runners, in other interwebz places, and most surprisingly, in real life. This is a vastly different marathon experience than last year. For one, there will be decidedly less sex...which is one of the few times I'll say that's a good thing, I was almost too worn out come Sunday morning. For another, I'll have something of an entourage, and I'm really glad my parents will be there like they were for my first half. I know mom will be bawling, probably as early as tonight, and I love her for that.

I feel smarter, better trained, and much more prepared for this one and I'm going to kick some serious ass. Now to get to the business of getting down to business.

Just remember, Mark...Everything you need is already inside.

Mark, out.

Current mood: stoked.
Current music: whatever is on the cds Kenny made.

(11 kinds of crazy craps | All kinds of crazy crap)

19th March, 2009. 11:00 pm. MARCH MADNESS (How appropriate!)

I never did post about my view on the NCAA tournament before it started. Too busy filling out my bracket, and something about running but we'll get to that later. Today was the big start of March Madness, 16 games today, 16 more tomorrow, by Sunday night most people will already be tearing up their brackets in disgust. Fun! I love this time of year. I feel like March Madness is the first real big sports event after the Super Bowl, yanking us sports junkies out of the wasteland that is February and early March. Spring training is in full swing and Opening Day is right around the corner (and will be here by the time the tournament ends). Basketball and hockey are winding down their regular seasons and the playoffs will be getting underway (which, let's face it, is really the only time most people watch either of those sports). Even the Master's is in a few short weeks (as opposed to long weeks? Really? I never got that expression). But the NCAAs start everything off, and it starts off with a BANG!

I spent more time than most people filling out my bracket, what little good it'll do me (none). Kenny and I had a nice, long conversation about stuff and I was feeling pretty good about stuff before the first tip-off at noon today. And now, after all of the 16 games have finished, I'm feeling even better. I had an almost disaster when my projected champ, Memphis, almost went out in the first round, but they got their shit together in time to cruise to an eleven point win. I will admit to filling out a few brackets in various places, but I'm gonna only "count" the one I have printed out that I filled out "seriously." In that one, I only missed the fairly meaningless LSU-Butler game. But there's some tenuous games still going on currently. The thing most people don't realize about filling out the brackets is that the people who win office pools NEVER get ALL of the first round games right. Heck, some get 4-5 wrong. It doesn't matter so much if you can pick the big low seed over high seed upset. What matters is if you can pick the rest of the tournament. In most pools, a first round game gets you 10 points. By comparison, a Sweet Sixteen game gets you 40. So I'll be thrilled if I did what I did 2 years ago, get a few wrong this round but still peg the entire Elite Eight and three of the Final Four (MASON?! REALLY?!)

Anyway, I'll briefly go over the way I see things shaking out...
I'll start by saying I buy into what most of the talking heads have been saying- the Big East is one of the strongest conferences this year (and ever). I also like most of the teams from the ACC. The Big Ten, Pac-10, others...not so much.

In the Midwest, I really like Louisville (surprise! surprise!). They steamrolled through the Big East tournament AND won the regular season, despite playing second and third fiddle to teams like Pitt and UConn. Rick Pitino is one of the best coaches around and they are battle tested. I don't think they'll be challenged until the Sweet Sixteen. One of the trendy upset picks is Arizona (a team that many, including me, believed shouldn't even be IN the tournament- poor St. Mary's) over Utah. I'll admit, I have them doing just that, but then bowing out to a Wake team that I think could give Louisville a competitive game. Even though I said I wasn't high on the Big Ten, I like Michigan State here. It has been pointed out to me by a very intelligent Michiganite (Michiganer?) that they're playing pretty close to home the whole time, and they are an extraordinarily talented team. Not to mention Tom Izzo is one of the best coaches in the game, period. I can see West Virginia taking out Kansas, but no matter which of them makes it to the Sweet Sixteen, I think the Spartans will take them out (Mich St actually already has a win over the Jayhawks this year). But ultimately Louisville is headed to Detroit (how often is THAT a good thing?!)

The West is interesting because it essentially has two 1 seeds. Memphis, to me, is essentially 1a to UConn's 1. I know they had a scare this afternoon but I still think that when they're playing their best, Memphis is close to unbeatable. If they could hit their free throws (they were 11 for 28 today, UGH!) and score a little more, they'd be a lock. I believe John Calipari will find a way to get them through though, even if they spent the year beating up scrubs in Conference USA. UConn should be able to get through Texas A&M and either Purdue or Washington. It's a shame Marquette lost their best player (incidentally, Marquette is the Golden Flashes- why am I saying this? Because it bothered the shit outta Curt and I at dodgeball one night when we couldn't think of it), they haven't been the same team since and it's gonna doom them in the tournament. Ultimately, I've already shown my hand...Memphis gets out of this region, surprising some by beating UConn fairly handily.

The East looks a little like chalk is gonna reign. Florida State really impressed me in the ACC tournament and their guard is a great shooter who can take over a game if he gets hot. I think they'll get past Xavier and wouldn't be shocked if they upset Pitt even, but if Pitt doesn't get into early foul trouble, they're too big and physical for pretty much any team in the country. I had picked VCU in an upset over UCLA, but that game just ended and the Bruins won 65-64. At least VCU had a shot with 3 second left for the win, it was on line but came up short. Doesn't matter much because I like Villanova and I think Jay Wright, the best dressed coach in sports, will get the Wildcats, who essentially won a home game at the Wachovia Center tonight over American, past Duke. 'Nova-Pitt would be a rematch of the January 28th meeting that Nova won by 10. Granted, the game was played in Philly, but still. I can see this going either way but I'll put my chin out and say Villanova goes to the Final Four.

The South I can see going a number of different ways. Some of the best players in the country are here- UNC's Ty Lawson and Oklahoma's Blake Griffin. UNC is many people's national champion pick, including our beloved President!. I'll get to them in a second. One of the more interesting first round matchups to me was Michigan-Clemson. Both teams were riddles, but Michigan showed up at the end. I don't think they'll get past Oklahoma though, not with a healthy Griffin. However, I think Syracuse is playing excellent basketball right now and they'll shoot their way to an Elite Eight match up with the Tar Heels. And as I write this, Illinois proved my point about the weak Big Ten, falling to 12-seed Western Kentucky. I don't think Syracuse has the talent to get past UNC though, not if Lawson is 100%, which I'm sure he will be by then.

So that leaves us with Final Four match-ups of Louisville-Memphis and Villanova-North Carolina. Two Big East teams, one ACC team, and Memphis. I think Louisville-Memphis will be one of the best games of the whole tournament. Two great teams, two phenomenal coaches. It would be easy to say that because of the Cardinal's Big East experience they have the edge, but I have a gut feeling about Memphis, and I like what I've seen from them recently, so I give them the win there. On the other side of the bracket, I just think a Tar Heels team at full capacity will be too much for Villanova. It might be close for a half, maybe even into the second half, but ultimately the Tar Heels pull away and win.

The championship game will be exciting, especially if I've been right so far ha! I can see all the arguments anyone could give me for why UNC would win handily. It wouldn't be a shocker. THIS, would be a shocker. But I'm going with Memphis. They came thisclose last year, and I don't think they'll blow it again. TWSS!

So there you have it, my take on the tourney. Feel free to debate, prognosticate yourselves, trash my picks, talk some trash, or comment about how stupid the Ohio State mascot looks. Because he does. Really.

Mark, out.

Current mood: mad.
Current music: Jimmy Fallon.

(16 kinds of crazy craps | All kinds of crazy crap)

18th March, 2009. 2:53 am. "You guys are not ballers AND you're wearing girl skirts!"

I have incredible will power. I was out tonight with Curt, Ben, Michface, etc and managed to pass up the multitude of Guinnesses and car bombs I was offered. If this race doesn't go well, I'm gonna be so pissed at myself for now just having one. However, every day I get more and more confident about Saturday. boring workout discussion alert!I did my last hard-ish run (6 miles, 1 minute pick ups, last 2 miles @ goal pace) and it went SOOO WELL! Wound up doing the last 2 miles in 6:45 pace...oops. I'm glad there'll be a 3:10 pace group at the race because I'm pretty sure I still don't really know what 7:15 pace feels like. I think my current race strategy is to go out with the pace group, hope to run ~7:20-7:15 through the half, then if I'm still feeling good, allow myself to drop it down to ~7:10-7:05 and then really crank it the last 10k. At least that's what I'm thinking right now. I checked the weekend forecast today and it looks like it's gonna be perfect running weather...low 50s and partly cloudy!back to your regularly scheduled musings

I went for my run after practice today, and then immediately met Mich, her boyfriend Ryan, and their friend at Kate's for nachos. I didn't bother going home to change so I was sitting at Kate's in my running gear...although I DID have a change of shoes. The Curt, Ben, Vanessa, and Indian Mark showed up and we all enjoyed some delicious nachos and appetizers and whatnot (carbo-loading right?!). At one point Ben's friend Michelle asked about the race and we had the following exchange:

M- So where is the race?
Me- DC, it's cool because we'll get to run past the Capitol and some real cool landmarks, and the second half is along the river mostly
M- Neat! Maybe Obama will hand out the medals after.
Me- That'd be pretty cool.
M- What if Obama was running the race, too?
Me- (without skipping a beat) I would smoke his ass! [and I mean it! This is an open challenge to our Commander-in-Chief. You could kick my ass at basketball, sure, but let's see how you fare over 26 miles 385 yards!]

I had planned on turning in after that (clearly this did not happen as I'm writing this at 2am) but when we left Kate's I decided to go with Curt, Ben, other Michelle, and Indian Mark to Kildare's because I figured it would be fun to hear some live Irish music. While waiting on line to get in, Ben got very animated about the skirts a couple guys were trying to pass off as kilts. It almost ended in fisticuffs, which could have been fun. Kildare's was crowded but fun. I stayed much later than I had planned, but it's not the end of the world. My outfit got some interesting reactions, seeing as how my shorts were shorter than most of the girl's skirts/shorts (which is definitely saying something!) At one point some pretty trashed girl came up to me and HAD to take a picture with me, so I obliged. Then Ben jumped way over the appropriate line playing photographer with her and her friend. Curt, Michelle, and I were amused.

Had to bike back home which was c-c-cooold but now I'm sitting in my warm living room, catching up on Sportscenter, eating some apple cinnamon oatmeal and thinking about sleep. I have to say, it was a pretty damn good day, and it's been a decent run of late. Sorta. Meh, now I'm second-guessing that. Actually tonight felt so good because recently everything has NOT been too great! Everything aside from running and track has been anywhere from bleh to really quite horrible, and even running has given me its fair share of shit recently. Track has been going really well, I really enjoy my kids and they came up with a gang sign for me, pictures forthcoming. We have a meet next Tuesday and that's exciting. I don't really agree with a lot of what the coach has everyone doing or her training philosophies but I'm just the assistant and I give the kids my opinions when they ask (and they often do). Other than that though, I'm hoping tonight will be the start of a stretch of good stuff. I can't wait to head to DC Friday, the NCAA tournament starts Thursday (well the play-in game was tonight, but no one really cares about that) which reminds me...YOU THERE! IN LJ LAND! YOU SHOULD JOIN MY NCAA POOL! just go here and fill one out It's on ESPN.com, it's free to sign up, you won't get spammed or anything, and best of all...you needn't know a damn thing about college basketball, or sports in general, and you still have a good shot of winning. I've decided the winner of my pool will get some sort of aweSOME prize from me that will be determined between the winner and myself after everything is over. sooooo, incentive to spend 10 minutes and join!

Grandpa came home from the hospital today and I got to talk to him earlier, he sounded alright and wished me luck this weekend. He asked me if I thought I was going to win (which I get asked surprisingly a lot!) and I chuckled about that. Actually, a bunch of people wished me luck this weekend, which really made me feel good. And I think some of my friends are just as excited about this as I am (as excited with none of the other feelings I'm experiencing in various ebbs and flows this week- nervous, anxious, confident, jittery, emotional, happy, impatient, the list goes on and on)

Thought about dealing with some important stuff this afternoon but couldn't really bring myself to go through with it. Just some jump-start stalling conversations I have a lot of stuff rattling around up here that I want to say to specific people but for one reason or another most of it will remain there. Maybe tomorrow (or today, really). The problem with moving it from the brain out of the mouth is that when you think something, that's one thing. But when you actually say it. Outloud. To someone, it becomes real. It becomes unchangeable. You can't have a do-over and there are consequences that follow. Up here, I can hypothetically upbraid, chastise, lambaste, or otherwise say what I want, and I can rehearse it and refine it, and that can be it. I don't have to deal with the fall-out because there is none. I suppose it's akin to writing a letter that you never sent (however inconsiderate it seems/Do you still consider me/the boy you laughed with/or you learned to live without/I suck/I know I'm late/I know you waited...). It'll have to come out eventually, and I'll deal with what that means and that will be it. I think it's all part of this self-improvement, being a better person thing- no bottling stuff up and allowing myself to accept misery, as easy as that is for me.

Wow, this took a detour!

Nothing's absolutely definite til it's absolutely, definitely gone.

Mark, out.

Current mood: exhausted.
Current music: 'Logan to Government Center' by Brand New.

(7 kinds of crazy craps | All kinds of crazy crap)

16th March, 2009. 12:34 am. well bollocks

As per usual there's quite a bit I feel like touching on but unfortunately for me 'touching on' something usually involves writing an extended paragraph or two and then entries wind up being 5 pages long on MS Word. I wanted to be in bed an hour ago, I want to get up EARLY tomorrow (well, early for me, let's say 7:30-8) and go down to the track to attempt to do something I've never done before and couldn't even fathom a few months ago. If you know me, you probably have a very good idea what I'm referring to. I don't want to say it until I do it though, apparently I'm getting more superstitious in my old age. So this WILL be brief dammit.

Just a few quick hits, some of which I plan on expanding on later:

-Had a pretty good weekend...

Friday night saw me doing nothing, which is a fairly typical Friday night. Yesterday Curt and I tailgated yet another baseball game. This time we had more than just whiskey and Coke. Actually we had no alcohol and lots of meat. The burgers were frozen, so the first ones we had ended up being horribly undercooked (read: essentially raw) and the second was burnt to the point where we were breathing smoke. But the hot dogs were de-lish! I had planned on doing my Yasso 800 workout (10x800 @ 3:10 w/3:10 rest) early morning before tailgating. Didn't happen. The baseball game was alright, except a little cold. Highlights included nicknaming most of our team, Hangover Man (some kid from Marist was not feelin good and had curled up in his sleeping bag in the stands), and the AMAZING raspberry (note the correct spelling!) chocolate oreo pie creation [info]back_track brought with her. (FIXED...I suck, and I should think about not posting so much at 3 in the morning). We ate it with our hands. So between the raw meat and the eating pie with our hands, Curt and I agreed we'd had a very manly morning.

Saturday afternoon the three of us went to Grottos to see the debauchery that was going on in Newark for St. Patrick's Day weekend. Cheryn was visiting from Virginia, so we met up with her and went to Deer Park. Then everyone went to parts elsewhere and I wasted a number of hours with God knows what, finally getting my ass to the track at 9ish for the 800s. Wound up breaking face though, all the 800s were 3:03-3:07, except for the first which was too fast in 2:58. Big, BIG confidence boost.

Today was relaxing in that I did precious little. BUT! I did do something fairly out of my comfort zone...I went to a UD track club meeting. Yes, apparently UD has a track club and they were showing Prefontaine and having pizza. I wanted to go, but I was having serious social phobia issues, as usual, and I was running a bit late. But then [info]ironjohnny gave me a verbal kick in the ass and I went. And I'm really glad I did, because it was pretty cool. We watched half the movie, then paused it for pizza and some chatting. I even introduced myself and told them all I was doing the marathon next Saturday. Everyone started asking me about my training and they were a little dumbstruck when I mentioned how I had been doing 80+ miles per week. They all seemed real nice and friendly and I'm doing an easy run with them tomorrow at 6. This would be awesome if I could find a group of people right on campus to do some easy runs with.

-some less than awesome weekend stuff: got a call from Dad last night saying they took Grandpa into the hospital with congestive heart failure. I remember the last time this happened he was fine, they kept him a few days, he was pretty out of it, but at least he doesn't have pneumonia. Still, OF COURSE it would happen this week, as if none of us had enough on our minds already. bollocks.

-The NCAA field is set. Kenny and I talked for a good half hour about stuff, mostly the bracket. If you don't know, I'm pretty into college basketball. And I love the NCAA tournament. I've done pretty good the past few years (including making the top 400/6 million on ESPN.com two years ago). Thursday I will be completely unreachable and I'm actually freaking out a bit that I'll be missing most of the games Friday. Odds are sometime in the next few days, after I have a chance to really analyze the bracket, I'll post my full prognostication about what's gonna happen. And I bet I'll kick the ass of most of the talking heads on ESPN. Some quick initial gut thoughts though- I'm really surprised Arizona (who are as close to a favorite team of mine as any) got in and St. Mary's was left out, but I can see 'Zona as the 12 over 5 pick this year. I'm pretty high on Memphis and am leaning towards them for my championship pick right now. I think FSU could upset Pitt, I'm high on Clemson's chances of getting a few wins, I don't really like any of the Big Ten teams because the Big Ten sucks this year, and Syracuse really showed me something in the Big East tournament and I can see them going far.

-the marathon is in less than a week. What?! Oh, right, I knew that. Jeez. I will probably have a number of bipolar moments this week, going from super excited to super nervous and everything in between. On the whole, I'm really excited about it. I know I've mentioned it already but it'll be really nice to have my family and a bunch of friends there this time. I mean, it was a nice weekend with WMcB last year but I like that I'll get to share this with a lot of people I care about. And I'm equally excited to hopefully meet up with a bunch of people from [info]runners- there's quite a few that are going to be running and/or live in the area. It'd be nice to put faces to names over some celebratory beers while disappointing a few of them when they realize I look more like a pirate than Dr. House. It's neat and comforting that there ARE people out there who understand a huge part of who I am, even if I've never officially met most of them. And you, dear reader, if you're in or around Washington, DC this coming weekend, you should definitely come out too! If not to watch the race, because I can imagine WATCHING a marathon may be kinda boring, then definitely after! I'm considering buying a round for everyone that comes out with me if I BQ, but I dunno if my bank account will be ok with that. Maybe a balloon animal instead. Either way a great time should be had by all.

-Does anyone give a care about the World Baseball Classic? no, no they don't.

-There must be something about me but crazy people seem to be drawn to me. I mean, my life is rarely boring, but sometimes I'd just like some normalcy in the company I keep. I really can't complain, I encourage and sometimes even encourage it. I know I'm my own worst enemy in that regard. But the past few weeks have seemed exceedingly worse than usual. That's sufficient enough to address all that for now.

-I failed at keeping this thing concise. Is anyone surprised?

COMING SOON! A photo essay on the Life of Mark inspired by [info]special_boots and [info]back_track. (lotta shout outs today, hm. word.) STAY TUNED!

Mark, out(of consciousness)

Current mood: scattered.
Current music: Sportscenter.

(14 kinds of crazy craps | All kinds of crazy crap)

12th March, 2009. 12:50 am. Everything is illuminated

There's more than a few things I would do well to updating about here, but it's late and I've had a long, draining couple days and need sleep, so I cannot be sucked into writing one of my typically massive posts right now. Instead, I'm stealing this from [info]back_track, and I feel like it might be a good thing, considering I have so many fairly new friends here. Soooo...ask me a question. Ask me FIVE questions actually. Anything you like. ANYTHING! Nothing is off limits, I have nothing to hide and little shame. I'll answer them (of course, depending on the subject matter you may get a private message but still, I'll honestly answer whatever).

So off you go, roll up those sleevs, turn on the heat lamp, and grill me...

Current music: Sportscenter.

(29 kinds of crazy craps | All kinds of crazy crap)

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